Air Force

The superhero food scene can be a lonely at times and sometimes you just can't rely on a fully branded Spider-Man Canned Ham to greet you at the grocery store. It's at those time when you have to settle for something a little more mundane. Fruit snacks typically hold the top spot when it comes the frequency of its superhero tie-ins, but coming in at a close second are Airheads.

I've never eaten Airheads and I've never watched "Batman: The Brave and the Bold," so obviously I'm the perfect person to opine on the various virtues of these Batman Airheads from a few years ago. We'll start with the positives: Much like the format of the TV show, the candy incorporates various lesser known characters from DC Comics.

On the negative side: Like many reasonable adults who feel the need to write about superhero candy, I maintain high standards and semi-reasonable expectations when it comes to the bottom line. If they promote six different characters and sell a six pack of candy then the optimist in me hopes to get all six with the first purchase. Alas, the candy gods were not smiling that fateful day at 7-Eleven.

Blue Beetle, Green Arrow, Batman and Red Tornado (with duplicates of Blue & Red), not a bad collection of characters but the absence of Aquaman and Plastic Man leaves a hole in my soul that no amount of high fructose corn syrup could ever fill.

In an attempt to make nice for my incomplete set, the Airheads website was completely Batman-ized and I spent the better part of the day coloring pictures of Plastic Man...

...and Bizarro Plastic Man...

That calmed me down. And since you were dying to know, according to the site's superhero quiz, I'm Batman. I'm the %$!@*# Batman!