Hershey's Heroes

When it comes to qualifying Super Hero Food, I tend to stick to my arbitrary rules ("Iron Man Cereal" vs. Cap'n Crunch with a picture of Iron Man on the box) but just as often I break my arbitrary rules when something catches my eye.  And the new Hershey's DC Super Hero Bars did just that.

They're being marketing along with the "Back to School" products which you can see by Superman and Wonder Woman chaperoning the school bus.  They're obviously keeping an eye on any potential trouble makers trying to hide out in the back.  As you can probably guess, these a Hershey bars that are branded with DC Comics characters.

They're miniature size and, as such, would fit just fine in a lunch box.  I guess that's why they're in with the "Back to School" themed stuff.  Although I think they would have done just fine if they were released a month later for Halloween.  I know a few little superheroes who would love to get these in their Tricks-Or-Treats plastic pumpkin.  Let's crack open that bag:

No big surprises in the lineup.  We've got Superman, Batman, Wonder Woman, the Flash, Green Lantern, Aquaman and, once again, Cyborg has kicked Martian Manhunter right out of the picture.  I'm starting to think this replacement Leaguer is gonna stick around.  I hold out hope that maybe it will lead to some Doom Patrol candy or whatnot. 

With the wrapper off, we see the traditional, sectioned-off Hershey's bar with each section containing a character's logo.  But there's more than just the Wonder Woman, Aquaman, Superman and Batman symbols that you see here.  So far, I've only opened a few but I've also seen the Batmobile, a "BAM!" sound effect, and some stars that have a Wonder Woman vibe.

Not sure if these are mostly going to end up in lunchboxes, Halloween bags or just in a lot of folk's quarantine candy pile but it's always good to see the League make a prominant appearance in the grocery aisles.

Emerald Frylight

Previously:

The Colonel of Two Worlds  - -   Next Fry Day

You thought your lunch was safe...and it essentially is.  But adventure calls!  Once again a hero rises from the deep fried ashes of Valhalla to insure the herbage and spiciness of your meal will be finger lickin' adequate.  So grab a spork and let's dive into the latest extra crispy adventure of Colonel Sanders as he teams up with Green Lantern in "Across the Universe."

Our story begins as Ferris Aircraft monitors the  crash landing of...something.  As those vultures from the press crowd in to get their pound of chicken flesh, a familiar figure emerges with the payload from the downed spacecraft:

Apparently the Colonel has been testing the process of shooting his new Zinger Sandwich into space...for...some reason.  I assume he's trying to break into the intergalactic fast food market.  But since Ferris can't get the job done he turns to one of his super powered pals for help.

"Every member of the Green Lantern Corp is working on this."  Every single member has ceased protecting their respective sectors in order to help move sandwiches around in space.  Seems legit.  On the brightest (day) side, that comes with the opportunity to have some sweet GL cameos:

The (entire membership of) Green Lanterns determine that for some reason the space buckets are showing up to their destinations empty.  Not so much as an herb or a spice (or that one napkin they give you in the drive thru) make the intergalactic trip.  An investigation is in order and that can only mean one thing:  time to get deputizin'.

So the Colonel gets his own ring but there's a bit of a missed opportunity in that he doesn't give himself his own custom GL uniform.  I guess KFC thought his trademark white suit just couldn't be messed with.  But that's the only opportunity they missed since their intergalactic investigation led to a few DC Comics cameos:

After a quick stop at the Source Wall, the cop buddy road trip heads to Rann to say high to Adam Strange.  And then a quick stop at Thanagar:

to check in with Hawk Girl.  At this point it just seems like Green Lantern is showing off all the cool people he knows to the Colonel.  Sanders didn't have enough time to be impressed since they picked up enough clues to lead them right to the prime suspect.

So we then get your standard fight scene as Larfleeze gives his usual spiel about how he's greedy and he wants and wants and wants and that he's totally into these new space sandwiches.  But the Colonel has heard enough and, as the true businessman, comes up with the most profitable solution.

Yep, the logical solution to this problem is to give Larfleeze his very own KFC franchise to run.  Makes perfect sense, right?  Well it doesn't if you don't think about it too much.  All that's left is to give a little praise for a job well done:

Great job guys!  Just like the last couple of issues with the Flash, it looks like they aren't making print copies of this adventure.  Digital only, so grab your copy from Comixology.

Commercial Break: Kraft Macaroni & Cheese DC Superheroes

Previously: X-Men Pasta

Word on the street is that today is National Macaroni Day.  So let's celebrate with this commercial from the 90's featuring Kraft Macaroni & Cheese DC Superheroes Dinner!

Cotton Club

I like to make my rounds to grocery stores, drug stores, dollar stores and the like to keep an eye on what's happening in the Super Hero Food world.  You never know what you'll find and you never know where you'll find it.  To that end, I like to swing by Toys 'R' Us every now and then.  They have a small little candy section that delivers from time to time.  In fact, it's where I found our latest bag of super hero cotton candy:

Among the team's other accomplishments, the Justice League has now successfully broken into the world of spun sugar.  Justice League Cotton Candy is here and we're going to have to get used to it.

It looks like we're also going to have to get used to Martian Manhunter being scrubbed from JL history.  While it was rare for him to show up on various food products from the beginning, it is now a given that Cyborg will be in his place for now and...forever?  At least Aquaman made the cut.

Looks like the flavor breakdown includes pink vanilla and blue raspberry.  While blue raspberries don't occur in nature, they have been a part of kids kids' candy and drinks for many years now.  So there's no surprise there.  Pink Vanilla, though?  That seems to be something that only happens in the Cotton Candy World.  Which is weird because "cotton candy" has been a flavor in and of itself for a good long while.  So it's weird that vanilla got an invitation to this party.

And it looks like this.  It's fairly similar to the Batman Cotton Candy from awhile back.  Two flavors for the price of one!  So if you want to add a little carnival flair to your day-to-day life you need only to head to Toys 'R' Us (while supplies last).

Pop Stars

Your new breakfast of champions comes in the form of Justice League Pop Tarts.  While there is currently a deluge of Batman v Superman stuff out there right now, these guys are specifically branded as "Justice League."

Sure it has the "Big 3" plastered on the front, who happen to also share screen time in the movie but plenty of their team mates also show up to tell you the good news about this year's most exciting breakfast treat:

        

 And the entire roster shows up on the back of the box doing their patented "Justice League Lineup Pose" including some First Appearance info, and of course secret identity info:

 And everybody gets a short bio underneath the posing.  Except for Cyborg for some reason.  I'm not too inclined to play the race card but this certainly raises few eyebrows (at least two).  While they may be stingy with the bios, they definitely went all out when it comes to the actual food:

 If you want to get technical, then sure, Catwoman was technically a part of the Justice League line up during the Grant Morrison years but I've never bought into the idea of Robin being in the League.  Sure, maybe Batman let him tag along to one or two of the meetings but he never got his membership card.

To put this into a historical perspective (which I know you were begging for), superheroes are no stranger to the toaster pastry genre.  Back in the Spider-Man movie heyday we got two different versions:

Flash Fried

Freebie promotional comics have been common for years.  We all breathed a little easier when Captain America fought the Asthma Monster and it was an exciting roller coaster ride when the X-Men visited the State Fair of Texas.  Sure these books are a little cheesy and they are clearly part of the marketing monster we all live with but, intentionally or not, they can be fun.

Fast food restaurants have been taking part in the fun for years with Captain D's setting sail on the four colored seas a few decades ago, among others.  Not to be outdone by a Captain, Colonel Sanders recently decided it was time to jump from the chicken bucket to the comic pages, and thus, we get "The Colonel of Two Worlds" from DC:

I love that instead of the often overused Big Guns of the DCU (Superman & Batman) they used the Flash as the main hero.  It probably helps that he has a hit show on the air currently but, hey, it's his time to shine.

The story begins with the Mirror Master bringing Captain Cold up to date on his latest plan.  Tying in with the New 52 story Forever Evil, MM plans to bring over another ne'er-do-well from the evil Earth-3 to help them with their nefarious plans to rob banks and whatnot.  But instead of a member of the Crime Syndicate, or anyone that might make sense, he chooses the Colonel Sanders of Earth-3: Colonel Sunder!

It soon becomes clear to the two Rogues that this might not have been the best All Star Team-Up since Sunder's plan seems to involve doing practically nothing while the two of them are forced to take thankless jobs in his crappy restaurant:

Sunder steps up his game after awhile when he starts glory hounding for attention by bragging about how bad his chicken is and how little effort he puts into it.  It can be assumed that this is a common advertising method on Earth-3.  Possibly the Bizarro World as well.

Well that's about all a certain Southern Earth-1 gentleman can stand and so Colonel Sanders decides to enter the fray:

Hey, remember how the Flash was supposed to be in this?  Well, he finally makes his appearance at this point, complete with an all-new, unnecessarily redesigned costume that includes unnecessary extra elements.  The Flash costume has historically been revered for being sleek and streamlined but those days are over:

Green Lantern is also involved but he really doesn't do anything of any consequence.  He just seems to be hanging out, which I guess super heroes do from time to time.  In fact, the Flash really doesn't do much either.  The real hero of the story is Colonel Sanders and he proves he is a man of action as the two Justice Leaguers try to catch up.  It doesn't take long for Sanders to run afoul of Sunder and we get the Colonel vs. Colonel showdown we've been craving:

Not only does Colonel Sanders' military training immediately kick in but he seems to have an overflowing bucket of special skills and possible super powers: from hurling a table into Sunders' "Nugget Gun" defense system, to being able to withstand the dreaded "Pink Slime Ray."  He's able to shrug it off with what appears to be another white suit that he has on underneath his signature threads:

 As you can guess, good eventually triumphs over evil while the Flash is protecting bystanders from the deep fried fracas.  Captain Cold and the Mirror Master don't do a whole lot either.  At this point these seem to realize the error inherent in teaming up with an Earth-3 tyrant who only seems to be interested in bragging about how bad his food is.  So once things cool down they all head to their local KFC franchise to break biscuits:

And if that isn't a happy enough ending for you the Colonel shows why is he known far and wide as a compassionate warrior and offers the two Rogues the best fate ex-cons can have: full time employment at Kentucky Fried Chicken!

 I know we are all hoping that this story remains in continuity.  The potential is nearly endless.  I see a story line where Colonel Sanders is offered Justice League membership but he turns it down because he thinks they're all a bunch of jive turkeys.  Or maybe a spin-off title featuring Captain Cold and Mirror Master working their way up the chain to finally owning their own KFC franchise?  Once that happens...imagine the shenanigans!  Imagine them!!!