Swim Team

 Previously:

 Justice League Cheese Nips  - -  Avengers Cheez-Its

There they were...staring right up at me from the shelf on the cracker aisle at Target.  After Endgame, we thought the Avengers were done but it looks like they've returned.  Now instead of the plains of Wakanda or the streets of Manhattan, this time the battle rages on in your lunchbox.

Looks like the the world's greatest superheroes are teamed up with the Pepperidge Farms Goldfish.  Black Widow (deceased), Captain America (retired), Iron Man (deceased) and the Hulk (alive and less angry?) are the attention-getters on the outside of the bag, but what's on the inside?

 Our snack lineup consists of the Avengers "seal," Iron Man's mask, Black Panther's mask and Black Widow's symbol.  It's good to see Black Panther represented and, at this point, Iron Man is a no-brainer.  But if they were going to include symbols, I wouldn't have minded another character to show up instead of just the Avengers "A."  I also suspect that the Widow's hourglass symbol might have come from some previous franchise that got the cracker treatment.  More research is need to confirm that theory though.

And if you've got some time to kill while snacking, why not treat yourself to a "back of the bag" maze?  Pick your favorite Avenger and make your way to the center...hours of fun.

There are also regular shaped Goldfish in the mix so traditionalists don't get too disoriented while chomping down on these new, unfamiliar superhero shapes.  Grab a handful during the next Marvel Disney Plus show.

Galaxy Queen

Summer is coming and that means two things:  Super Hero Movies and Ice Cream!  Luckily there's a place just down the road that is offering something of a "mix tape" of both of those summertime treats.

Yep, looks like the Guardians have come to spread their galaxy-saving shenanigans to Dairy Queen.  They seem to be really running with the "Mix Tape" theme and part of the promotion apparently involves mixing (or, rather, ordering) different items from the menu...like pretzels and ice cream:

But the main push seems to be the Guardians of the Galaxy Blizzard.  Just like mixing pop hits from the 70's on a cassette tape, the Blizzard mixes ice cream with candy or cookies or whatever.  The outcome is a rag tag team up of a dessert that saves the day (when "saving the day" means wanting something tasty to eat).  Behold:

According to DQ, "Cookie and Brownie Forces Have Combined."  So our treat is filled with "mini brookies" (yes, that's an actual term that Dairy Queen uses to describe their cookie/brownie hybrid).   So it's several desserts in one.  No raccoon chunks or wood chips but plenty of tasty excitement for you and your galaxy saving friends.

Next Fry Day

Previously: The Colonel of Two Worlds

The time has come to tag along on another adventure with an American Icon.  But this time, not just one Colonel will do (although I guess, technically, there were two Colonels last time).  It's time for the Colonel Corps!

The next issue of the KFC/DC combo meal takes it to the next level with a tour of the DC Multiverse and a collection of Colonels that rival any previous Crisis on Various Earths.  Our story begins with the Colonel of Earth-3, Colonel Sunder, finger licking his wounds after his last confrontation with Colonel Sanders and the Flash (both from Earth-1) when he receives a mysterious visitor:

Meanwhile on Earth-1, our Colonel is also recovering from the previous confrontation.  Apparently many of his employees fell under the sweetly seductive spell of Sunder and are now not working up to the Colonel's standards.

You see, Colonel Sanders is all about doing things the hard way whereas Sunder is all about the shortcut.  So maybe the employees aren't cooking the chicken all the way through?  Salmonella is not your friend on any Earth (except maybe Bizarro World).

It's worth noting that the last issue was a team-up between the Colonel and the Flash (with a little assist from Green Lantern) but this adventure is definitely Colonel-centric.  So if you were yearning for more Colonel Sanders in your life, then this adventure is definitely for you.

While getting his house in order, Earth-1 Colonel is overcome by a mental attack from an unknown source.  He wakes up to the sight of the Colonel and the Flash from Earth-11:

After a little exposition we learn that all the Colonels have had their memories wiped.  They each only retain 1 of the 11 secret herbs and spices that make up the KFC recipe.  The solution was then obvious: hop on the Cosmic Treadmill and go from Earth to Earth collecting Colonels and therefore the herb and spice knowledge necessary to recreate the Secret Recipe!

The Earths/Colonels they found include (but are not limited to):

Hardcase Harlan from Earth-19 (the so-called "SteamPunk" Earth)

Koln-El from Earth-22 (the Kingdom Come Earth)

Kolonel from Earth 51 (the "Kamandi" Earth)...which seems to have some upsetting connotations since he is clearly a chicken that fries and serves other chickens for his patrons.  But that's a story for another time. 

Several other Colonels from several other Earths (including one from the 31st Century who cooked for the Legion of Super Heroes and the Bizarro Colonel) hopped on board for the cause.  They eventually track down Colonel Sunder and his mysterious ally who turns out to be...Colonel Grodd!!

So now Sunder and Grodd must face the combined might of the Colonel Corps: an elite team of southern fried superheroes representing the 11 herbs and spices of justice!  (Also, don't forget, the Flash of Earth-11 is there too):

It doesn't take long for our heroes to take out the bad guys.  They even repel a psychic assault from Grodd who tempts them to take the easy way out...but the easy way doesn't get that chicken fried, does it?

So once again, evil is defeated and lunch is served.  We have to assume that all the Colonels were returned to their rightful Earths and Sunder and Grodd were incarcerated, never again to take away delicious meals from society.  The End...or is it?!?!?

Flash Fried

Freebie promotional comics have been common for years.  We all breathed a little easier when Captain America fought the Asthma Monster and it was an exciting roller coaster ride when the X-Men visited the State Fair of Texas.  Sure these books are a little cheesy and they are clearly part of the marketing monster we all live with but, intentionally or not, they can be fun.

Fast food restaurants have been taking part in the fun for years with Captain D's setting sail on the four colored seas a few decades ago, among others.  Not to be outdone by a Captain, Colonel Sanders recently decided it was time to jump from the chicken bucket to the comic pages, and thus, we get "The Colonel of Two Worlds" from DC:

I love that instead of the often overused Big Guns of the DCU (Superman & Batman) they used the Flash as the main hero.  It probably helps that he has a hit show on the air currently but, hey, it's his time to shine.

The story begins with the Mirror Master bringing Captain Cold up to date on his latest plan.  Tying in with the New 52 story Forever Evil, MM plans to bring over another ne'er-do-well from the evil Earth-3 to help them with their nefarious plans to rob banks and whatnot.  But instead of a member of the Crime Syndicate, or anyone that might make sense, he chooses the Colonel Sanders of Earth-3: Colonel Sunder!

It soon becomes clear to the two Rogues that this might not have been the best All Star Team-Up since Sunder's plan seems to involve doing practically nothing while the two of them are forced to take thankless jobs in his crappy restaurant:

Sunder steps up his game after awhile when he starts glory hounding for attention by bragging about how bad his chicken is and how little effort he puts into it.  It can be assumed that this is a common advertising method on Earth-3.  Possibly the Bizarro World as well.

Well that's about all a certain Southern Earth-1 gentleman can stand and so Colonel Sanders decides to enter the fray:

Hey, remember how the Flash was supposed to be in this?  Well, he finally makes his appearance at this point, complete with an all-new, unnecessarily redesigned costume that includes unnecessary extra elements.  The Flash costume has historically been revered for being sleek and streamlined but those days are over:

Green Lantern is also involved but he really doesn't do anything of any consequence.  He just seems to be hanging out, which I guess super heroes do from time to time.  In fact, the Flash really doesn't do much either.  The real hero of the story is Colonel Sanders and he proves he is a man of action as the two Justice Leaguers try to catch up.  It doesn't take long for Sanders to run afoul of Sunder and we get the Colonel vs. Colonel showdown we've been craving:

Not only does Colonel Sanders' military training immediately kick in but he seems to have an overflowing bucket of special skills and possible super powers: from hurling a table into Sunders' "Nugget Gun" defense system, to being able to withstand the dreaded "Pink Slime Ray."  He's able to shrug it off with what appears to be another white suit that he has on underneath his signature threads:

 As you can guess, good eventually triumphs over evil while the Flash is protecting bystanders from the deep fried fracas.  Captain Cold and the Mirror Master don't do a whole lot either.  At this point these seem to realize the error inherent in teaming up with an Earth-3 tyrant who only seems to be interested in bragging about how bad his food is.  So once things cool down they all head to their local KFC franchise to break biscuits:

And if that isn't a happy enough ending for you the Colonel shows why is he known far and wide as a compassionate warrior and offers the two Rogues the best fate ex-cons can have: full time employment at Kentucky Fried Chicken!

 I know we are all hoping that this story remains in continuity.  The potential is nearly endless.  I see a story line where Colonel Sanders is offered Justice League membership but he turns it down because he thinks they're all a bunch of jive turkeys.  Or maybe a spin-off title featuring Captain Cold and Mirror Master working their way up the chain to finally owning their own KFC franchise?  Once that happens...imagine the shenanigans!  Imagine them!!!

Fromage of Ultron

It's always nice to get out of the cereal/candy/cracker vortex and find the Super Hero Food genre in a different grocery aisle.  And, don't ask me why but, anything that's especially perishable seems especially special.  This, of course, brings us to the topic of Avengers Cheese:

In this continuity "string cheese" is known as "Hero Twists."  A little artificial coloring gives us two toned "twists" which, we can assume, is twice the fun?  As with many Avengers products we only get appearances of the Fab Four, both on the outside and the inside:

Well, what else can be said?  They taste like cheese (because they are cheese) and they would fit perfectly in your Hulk lunch box.  To put them in an historical perspective, they join a precious few other examples of cheesy hero goodness such as Justice League Cheese Snacks:

And Superman Pasteurized Cheese Food Product:

Let's Get Crackin'

It.  Has.  BEGUN!

Avengers Age of Ulton may still be a few months away but the Hype Train has now officially left the station.  Forget the trailers, posters, tweets and online buzz.  The REAL first day of movie promotion starts in the grocery store.  And that day is today.  Avengers Cheez-Its, anyone?

They're certainly not Marvel's first superhero foray into the cracker genre:

 

But some extra steps were taken here and that need to be acknowledged.  Let's start with the shapes.  With many teams, particularly the Avengers, food real estate is at a premium and usually goes to the most popular profitable characters.  That being said, I would like to welcome Black Widow (who usually gets left out) to the grocery aisle, even if it's only her logo:

In addition to her logo we've got Iron Man's mask, Cap's Shield, the Avengers logo, Thor's hammer...essentially the usual shapes we've seen in cookies, pasta and fruit snacks before.  Of course, there's no Hawkeye but it's rare to see him on a package, outside of a group shot anyway so it's not like he was expected.  We'll just have to be satisfied with Widow's inclusion.      

The other good element from this snack is a throwback to the old days of games on the back of cereal boxes and this time you get two for one:

Everything is included except the coin you need to flip for "Game of Heroes."  I would image that it would work with dice as well but Big Cracker didn't want to take the chance that you didn't have a pair handy.  Odds are, you are someone near you might have a coin on hand when cracking open a box. 

You can also try spend some cracker crunching time with "Ultron's Menacing Maze."  And if it's too menacing then there is a URL at the bottom, in small print, you can use to find the answer.  Yes, that's right.

Hopefully this is only the beginning of the AoU hype train.  I, for one, am ready to get on board.