Meat Marketing

Here's my theory on this:  I think Marvel got wind of the massive Bats v Supes promotional brouhaha and they decided to fight quantity with quality.  When you give the green light to superhero branded meat products you have opened the door to some next-level marketing warfare.  With that, we crack open a package of Avengers Turkey Sausage Sticks:

This one also has the virtue of being more inclusive of the bench warming team members.  In addition to the "Big 4" you also get Black Widow, Hawkeye and the Falcon.  Not enough artery clogging fun for you?  Good news, then!  You also get a villain!  Ultron joins the fray to turn snack time into ultimate battle time!

So wrap your head around this game changing nosh.  Barriers have been broken!  Doors have been opened!  Aquaman canned tuna?  Why not?  Hawkman chicken wings?  Let's give it a try!  Iron Man canned ham?  You bet!

In This Corner...

(Previously):

Amazing Spider-Man 2 Fruit Snacks - - Iron Man 3 Fruit Snacks  

Captain America Fruit Snacks - - Superman Fruit Snacks

Super Hero Squad Fruit Snacks - - Amazing Spider-Man Fruit Snacks - - Batman Fruit Snacks

Avengers Fruit Snacks

 
I don't have any predictions about this movie but I do have some fruit snack related predictions.  Primarily, I predict that in the not too distant future I will find the Superman equivalent of these fruit snacks (because, of course, there is one) and I'll be so irritated at myself for prematurely blowing my bat-wad and doing a standalone blog entry instead of being patient and doing the combo.  It'll be the Punisher/Daredevil Energy Shot debacle all over again.

I also lied about not having any predictions about the movie.  It will be horrible.  Hopefully my pissy attitude about it won't effect my enjoyment of the gummies.  And with that, here are YOUR Batman v Superman Fruit Snacks!

As you can see that this (presumably variant) Batman box is very Batman-heavy.  You get a good look at O'Battion and the new costume on the front.  And on the back you can have your fandom questioned by way of a Batman quiz.  But once you get done proving your Bat-cred you can kick back and relax with a sweet maze and then proceed to ignore the "Super Hero Scramble" - that's just work.

Let's take a look at the breakdown.  Looks like we get a rare example of equal character distribution in the shapes.  A logo and head for Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman respectively.  I was wondering if this is the first ever Wonder Woman Fruit Snack but surely she was represented in the Cartoon Network Justice League Fruit Snacks of days past.

Regardless of her previously gummified nature (if any) it's still good to see her rperesented.  I would not have been surprised if the box had only contained something like: "Batman," "Batman Logo," "Batmobile," "Batman's Boot," "Batman's Rare Collection of Bat Themed Erotica" and "Superman."  And speaking of Supes, he's here too!

And this is really the reason why I think there's a Superman version of the box.  Half of the little baggies are Batman and half are Superman.  So at some point I'll be in a store that's not my usual store and I'll see that horrible Superman staring at me from his box of fruit snacks and I'll clench my fists and just start screaming.  So if you see that particular scenario in your favorite grocery store just take a breath and move on.  That's probably what I'll end up doing.

UPDATE:  Ugh, yeah I found them

Recipe: A Slice of Liberty

Want to make a dessert that honors both comics and the U.S. of A?  Then this is your lucky day:

Flash Fried

Freebie promotional comics have been common for years.  We all breathed a little easier when Captain America fought the Asthma Monster and it was an exciting roller coaster ride when the X-Men visited the State Fair of Texas.  Sure these books are a little cheesy and they are clearly part of the marketing monster we all live with but, intentionally or not, they can be fun.

Fast food restaurants have been taking part in the fun for years with Captain D's setting sail on the four colored seas a few decades ago, among others.  Not to be outdone by a Captain, Colonel Sanders recently decided it was time to jump from the chicken bucket to the comic pages, and thus, we get "The Colonel of Two Worlds" from DC:

I love that instead of the often overused Big Guns of the DCU (Superman & Batman) they used the Flash as the main hero.  It probably helps that he has a hit show on the air currently but, hey, it's his time to shine.

The story begins with the Mirror Master bringing Captain Cold up to date on his latest plan.  Tying in with the New 52 story Forever Evil, MM plans to bring over another ne'er-do-well from the evil Earth-3 to help them with their nefarious plans to rob banks and whatnot.  But instead of a member of the Crime Syndicate, or anyone that might make sense, he chooses the Colonel Sanders of Earth-3: Colonel Sunder!

It soon becomes clear to the two Rogues that this might not have been the best All Star Team-Up since Sunder's plan seems to involve doing practically nothing while the two of them are forced to take thankless jobs in his crappy restaurant:

Sunder steps up his game after awhile when he starts glory hounding for attention by bragging about how bad his chicken is and how little effort he puts into it.  It can be assumed that this is a common advertising method on Earth-3.  Possibly the Bizarro World as well.

Well that's about all a certain Southern Earth-1 gentleman can stand and so Colonel Sanders decides to enter the fray:

Hey, remember how the Flash was supposed to be in this?  Well, he finally makes his appearance at this point, complete with an all-new, unnecessarily redesigned costume that includes unnecessary extra elements.  The Flash costume has historically been revered for being sleek and streamlined but those days are over:

Green Lantern is also involved but he really doesn't do anything of any consequence.  He just seems to be hanging out, which I guess super heroes do from time to time.  In fact, the Flash really doesn't do much either.  The real hero of the story is Colonel Sanders and he proves he is a man of action as the two Justice Leaguers try to catch up.  It doesn't take long for Sanders to run afoul of Sunder and we get the Colonel vs. Colonel showdown we've been craving:

Not only does Colonel Sanders' military training immediately kick in but he seems to have an overflowing bucket of special skills and possible super powers: from hurling a table into Sunders' "Nugget Gun" defense system, to being able to withstand the dreaded "Pink Slime Ray."  He's able to shrug it off with what appears to be another white suit that he has on underneath his signature threads:

 As you can guess, good eventually triumphs over evil while the Flash is protecting bystanders from the deep fried fracas.  Captain Cold and the Mirror Master don't do a whole lot either.  At this point these seem to realize the error inherent in teaming up with an Earth-3 tyrant who only seems to be interested in bragging about how bad his food is.  So once things cool down they all head to their local KFC franchise to break biscuits:

And if that isn't a happy enough ending for you the Colonel shows why is he known far and wide as a compassionate warrior and offers the two Rogues the best fate ex-cons can have: full time employment at Kentucky Fried Chicken!

 I know we are all hoping that this story remains in continuity.  The potential is nearly endless.  I see a story line where Colonel Sanders is offered Justice League membership but he turns it down because he thinks they're all a bunch of jive turkeys.  Or maybe a spin-off title featuring Captain Cold and Mirror Master working their way up the chain to finally owning their own KFC franchise?  Once that happens...imagine the shenanigans!  Imagine them!!!

Mini Bars

When you're involved in the fast paced "Super Hero Food" game you see a lot of stuff.  Tons of it is chocolate and most of it is Avengers related promotional products.  But occasionally you turn a corner in an unsuspecting soda themed gift shop and find yet another Avengers themed chocolate candy...that you haven't seen before...and so here we are.  Let's crack open the bag and see what's what:

No surprises here.  We've got the fab four in wrapper form but not in candy form.  The mini bars are a little bigger than the chocolate mints that are left pillows at various upscale hotels and at crappy Italian food chains.  Not too much to see here but they make up for a lack of shapes with "Fun Facts" inside each wrapper:

Although they should be renamed "Fun" Facts.  Info about the Abomination and Mjölnir are joined by Shellhead's other nickname and the fact that Cap likes motorcycles.  I haven't opened up any more yet.  I'm hoping they'll last until Halloween.  So maybe buried somewhere in there are spoilers about Captain America: Civil War.  Trick or treat!

It's Marketin' Time!

You wouldn't know it from the grocery aisles but there's a new Fantastic Four movie in theaters now.  So with the lack of Human Torch Flamin' Cheetos and/or Mr. Flan-tastic Instant Custard Mix, Denny's has decided to pick up the slack with some Fantastic Four (loosely) themed menu items.

Unfortunately it seems to fairly difficult to re-brand various stacks of pancakes with exciting Fantastic Four elements.  So much so that pretty much none of them are worth mentioning or even stealing pics from Denny's website.  If you squint just right the Thing Burger might kind of look like the Thing.  Here's the promo:

Don't forget to tip your server!

Fromage of Ultron

It's always nice to get out of the cereal/candy/cracker vortex and find the Super Hero Food genre in a different grocery aisle.  And, don't ask me why but, anything that's especially perishable seems especially special.  This, of course, brings us to the topic of Avengers Cheese:

In this continuity "string cheese" is known as "Hero Twists."  A little artificial coloring gives us two toned "twists" which, we can assume, is twice the fun?  As with many Avengers products we only get appearances of the Fab Four, both on the outside and the inside:

Well, what else can be said?  They taste like cheese (because they are cheese) and they would fit perfectly in your Hulk lunch box.  To put them in an historical perspective, they join a precious few other examples of cheesy hero goodness such as Justice League Cheese Snacks:

And Superman Pasteurized Cheese Food Product: