Pop Stars

Your new breakfast of champions comes in the form of Justice League Pop Tarts.  While there is currently a deluge of Batman v Superman stuff out there right now, these guys are specifically branded as "Justice League."

Sure it has the "Big 3" plastered on the front, who happen to also share screen time in the movie but plenty of their team mates also show up to tell you the good news about this year's most exciting breakfast treat:

        

 And the entire roster shows up on the back of the box doing their patented "Justice League Lineup Pose" including some First Appearance info, and of course secret identity info:

 And everybody gets a short bio underneath the posing.  Except for Cyborg for some reason.  I'm not too inclined to play the race card but this certainly raises few eyebrows (at least two).  While they may be stingy with the bios, they definitely went all out when it comes to the actual food:

 If you want to get technical, then sure, Catwoman was technically a part of the Justice League line up during the Grant Morrison years but I've never bought into the idea of Robin being in the League.  Sure, maybe Batman let him tag along to one or two of the meetings but he never got his membership card.

To put this into a historical perspective (which I know you were begging for), superheroes are no stranger to the toaster pastry genre.  Back in the Spider-Man movie heyday we got two different versions:

War Rations

(Previously):

 Batman v Superman Fruit Snacks - - Amazing Spider-Man 2 Fruit Snacks

Iron Man 3 Fruit Snacks - - Captain America Fruit Snacks - - Superman Fruit Snacks

Super Hero Squad Fruit Snacks - - Amazing Spider-Man Fruit Snacks - - Batman Fruit Snacks

Avengers Fruit Snacks

 War, what is it good for?  In this instance a brand new box of Fruit Snacks.  Summer is coming and the season's theme is "heroes fighting heroes."  We've covered some Batman v Superman nosh but now it's Marvel's turn.  In preparation for Captain America: Civil War the movie, we get Captain America: Civil War the fruit snacks!

Much like Cap's last foray into the fruit snack genre, he must share the billing.  Not only does his antagonist Iron Man join him, but a few other characters show up and some even make their fruit snack debut.  Let's check out the team line ups:

Team Cap: Captain America, Ant-Man & Hawkeye
Team Tony: Iron Man, Black Widow & Black Panther

While Black Widow and Hawkeye have been on a package or two and possibly on some actual food, this is (to my knowledge) the freshman effort by both Ant-Man and Black Panther.  Welcome aboard guys!

Man and Superman

Ok, yeah, it's on now.  It's going to be one heck of a summer...in terms of superhero food.  You've probably seen these already but I would be remiss in my duties if I didn't have the Superman v. Batman cereal blog entry.  Up, up and away:

I recently referred to Marvel & DC's summer movie promotions this year as quality vs. quantity.  But don't mistake that for an unnecessary slam against DC.  There is definitely something to be said for quantity and DC is definitely going for it with the whole "one of each" approach. 

So we get Superman Caramel Crunch Cereal and Batman Chocolate Strawberry Cereal.  Two for the price of two!  When it comes to this clash of titans you really can vote with your wallet.  But let's face it, you'll probably just buy both like me.  Now, let's crack 'em open:

My take is that the Superman cereal is way better.  Chocolate and strawberries may taste great together but but artificial chocolate flavoring and artificial strawberry flavoring do not.  But I do appreciate the little bit of extra effort of making them in little bat shapes and little "S" shield shapes.  Now let's flip over the boxes and do our morning reading:

On the Superman cereal you get the standard Superhero Quiz and on the Bat Box you get a rundown of each of their abilities which serves to highlight the absolute absurdity of a fight between a person with god-like powers and a person who has a rigorous workout routine.

Coming to a cereal bowl near you!

Meat Marketing

Here's my theory on this:  I think Marvel got wind of the massive Bats v Supes promotional brouhaha and they decided to fight quantity with quality.  When you give the green light to superhero branded meat products you have opened the door to some next-level marketing warfare.  With that, we crack open a package of Avengers Turkey Sausage Sticks:

This one also has the virtue of being more inclusive of the bench warming team members.  In addition to the "Big 4" you also get Black Widow, Hawkeye and the Falcon.  Not enough artery clogging fun for you?  Good news, then!  You also get a villain!  Ultron joins the fray to turn snack time into ultimate battle time!

So wrap your head around this game changing nosh.  Barriers have been broken!  Doors have been opened!  Aquaman canned tuna?  Why not?  Hawkman chicken wings?  Let's give it a try!  Iron Man canned ham?  You bet!

In This Corner...

(Previously):

Amazing Spider-Man 2 Fruit Snacks - - Iron Man 3 Fruit Snacks  

Captain America Fruit Snacks - - Superman Fruit Snacks

Super Hero Squad Fruit Snacks - - Amazing Spider-Man Fruit Snacks - - Batman Fruit Snacks

Avengers Fruit Snacks

 
I don't have any predictions about this movie but I do have some fruit snack related predictions.  Primarily, I predict that in the not too distant future I will find the Superman equivalent of these fruit snacks (because, of course, there is one) and I'll be so irritated at myself for prematurely blowing my bat-wad and doing a standalone blog entry instead of being patient and doing the combo.  It'll be the Punisher/Daredevil Energy Shot debacle all over again.

I also lied about not having any predictions about the movie.  It will be horrible.  Hopefully my pissy attitude about it won't effect my enjoyment of the gummies.  And with that, here are YOUR Batman v Superman Fruit Snacks!

As you can see that this (presumably variant) Batman box is very Batman-heavy.  You get a good look at O'Battion and the new costume on the front.  And on the back you can have your fandom questioned by way of a Batman quiz.  But once you get done proving your Bat-cred you can kick back and relax with a sweet maze and then proceed to ignore the "Super Hero Scramble" - that's just work.

Let's take a look at the breakdown.  Looks like we get a rare example of equal character distribution in the shapes.  A logo and head for Batman, Superman and Wonder Woman respectively.  I was wondering if this is the first ever Wonder Woman Fruit Snack but surely she was represented in the Cartoon Network Justice League Fruit Snacks of days past.

Regardless of her previously gummified nature (if any) it's still good to see her rperesented.  I would not have been surprised if the box had only contained something like: "Batman," "Batman Logo," "Batmobile," "Batman's Boot," "Batman's Rare Collection of Bat Themed Erotica" and "Superman."  And speaking of Supes, he's here too!

And this is really the reason why I think there's a Superman version of the box.  Half of the little baggies are Batman and half are Superman.  So at some point I'll be in a store that's not my usual store and I'll see that horrible Superman staring at me from his box of fruit snacks and I'll clench my fists and just start screaming.  So if you see that particular scenario in your favorite grocery store just take a breath and move on.  That's probably what I'll end up doing.

UPDATE:  Ugh, yeah I found them

Recipe: A Slice of Liberty

Want to make a dessert that honors both comics and the U.S. of A?  Then this is your lucky day:

Flash Fried

Freebie promotional comics have been common for years.  We all breathed a little easier when Captain America fought the Asthma Monster and it was an exciting roller coaster ride when the X-Men visited the State Fair of Texas.  Sure these books are a little cheesy and they are clearly part of the marketing monster we all live with but, intentionally or not, they can be fun.

Fast food restaurants have been taking part in the fun for years with Captain D's setting sail on the four colored seas a few decades ago, among others.  Not to be outdone by a Captain, Colonel Sanders recently decided it was time to jump from the chicken bucket to the comic pages, and thus, we get "The Colonel of Two Worlds" from DC:

I love that instead of the often overused Big Guns of the DCU (Superman & Batman) they used the Flash as the main hero.  It probably helps that he has a hit show on the air currently but, hey, it's his time to shine.

The story begins with the Mirror Master bringing Captain Cold up to date on his latest plan.  Tying in with the New 52 story Forever Evil, MM plans to bring over another ne'er-do-well from the evil Earth-3 to help them with their nefarious plans to rob banks and whatnot.  But instead of a member of the Crime Syndicate, or anyone that might make sense, he chooses the Colonel Sanders of Earth-3: Colonel Sunder!

It soon becomes clear to the two Rogues that this might not have been the best All Star Team-Up since Sunder's plan seems to involve doing practically nothing while the two of them are forced to take thankless jobs in his crappy restaurant:

Sunder steps up his game after awhile when he starts glory hounding for attention by bragging about how bad his chicken is and how little effort he puts into it.  It can be assumed that this is a common advertising method on Earth-3.  Possibly the Bizarro World as well.

Well that's about all a certain Southern Earth-1 gentleman can stand and so Colonel Sanders decides to enter the fray:

Hey, remember how the Flash was supposed to be in this?  Well, he finally makes his appearance at this point, complete with an all-new, unnecessarily redesigned costume that includes unnecessary extra elements.  The Flash costume has historically been revered for being sleek and streamlined but those days are over:

Green Lantern is also involved but he really doesn't do anything of any consequence.  He just seems to be hanging out, which I guess super heroes do from time to time.  In fact, the Flash really doesn't do much either.  The real hero of the story is Colonel Sanders and he proves he is a man of action as the two Justice Leaguers try to catch up.  It doesn't take long for Sanders to run afoul of Sunder and we get the Colonel vs. Colonel showdown we've been craving:

Not only does Colonel Sanders' military training immediately kick in but he seems to have an overflowing bucket of special skills and possible super powers: from hurling a table into Sunders' "Nugget Gun" defense system, to being able to withstand the dreaded "Pink Slime Ray."  He's able to shrug it off with what appears to be another white suit that he has on underneath his signature threads:

 As you can guess, good eventually triumphs over evil while the Flash is protecting bystanders from the deep fried fracas.  Captain Cold and the Mirror Master don't do a whole lot either.  At this point these seem to realize the error inherent in teaming up with an Earth-3 tyrant who only seems to be interested in bragging about how bad his food is.  So once things cool down they all head to their local KFC franchise to break biscuits:

And if that isn't a happy enough ending for you the Colonel shows why is he known far and wide as a compassionate warrior and offers the two Rogues the best fate ex-cons can have: full time employment at Kentucky Fried Chicken!

 I know we are all hoping that this story remains in continuity.  The potential is nearly endless.  I see a story line where Colonel Sanders is offered Justice League membership but he turns it down because he thinks they're all a bunch of jive turkeys.  Or maybe a spin-off title featuring Captain Cold and Mirror Master working their way up the chain to finally owning their own KFC franchise?  Once that happens...imagine the shenanigans!  Imagine them!!!